So high school....

Wow...it amazes me how little people change from high school. As I was out side eating my lunch today some girl I knew from elementary school said I look like a twelve year old. I am guessing it's due to the fact that I have my hair in braided pigtails....ooo...big deal. She had to only be about 100 ft from me....but I could here due to the fact that she yelled it. So what if I wear pigtails? it is easy to do in the morning. It really sickens me how people still have to judge fashion and whatever after high school. I have known this gril for awhile and she has always been quite judgmental. You would think that after high school petty things like that would drift away as we mature. I believe that it doesn't matter how old someone is....their mannerisms won't change and sometimes their maturity won't either.

in other news....
I actually made it through a meal without gagging! yippee!!! I have been a wreck since the break up, but I am getting better. I am taking it better than I thought I would. Granted that means I haven't been crying my self to sleep...maybe because I don't sleep. I still have the hope that the both of us can better ourselves and make it work. I have been less outwardly emotional..which for me is quite amazing. That is what we decided I need to work on...I say we because He brought it up...and I realize that I needed to change...not for him. For me.
My greatest fear right now, is that he will change so much that I don't factor in anymore. I would like to try things again, because in my heart I feel like there is a glimmer of hope...and I feel that things between us aren't over yet. I hope that he realizes that I am getting better and we can work it all out. I would hate to see things end. I realized that I don't want anyone else. In other break-ups, I could imagine myself with someone else. I can't know. I can't see myself going n a date with anyone else, I can't see kissing anyone else. There is no one else. That may seem naive, but with everything that I want in life, I can't see it with anyone else but him.

I don't even know how he is feeling about everything right now. I want to ask him, I want to know. Though I think it's too early to ask him. He stopped by last night to pick something up, and we had a light chat. I told him that I still love him, because I do. But he wouldn't let me kiss him. I was a little hurt, but I understand. The only thing I am wondering is why he stopped by at 11 at night, when I could have just given him the glass on Friday? He did say he was going to get food, and could stop by....maybe that is all it was. Secretly I wish it was because he wanted to see me. Though I may never know. I hope we can get the chance to talk on Friday about stuff because I would like to know whether I should keeping on hoping. Considering we'll be busy Friday, due to the Blue Man Group concert, it may not happen until later. I am really just trying to be a better person for myself in this time.

I just hope he knows that i would never do anything that would jeopardize anything we could have. Drinking the other night might have done that..but I hope he forgives me.