Trying to live

So since my last post I have come to find that not much has changed. I am now going to Consumnes River and things haven't found themselves to be much better. This house still doesn't feel like home and my family still doesn't care.

I have been trying to find positive things to make things better but I haven't come up with much.

I always have that alone in a crowded room feeling. The only real feeling I got these past few weeks here was when I got to go home. People would say that I am not trying, but really I am. I have tried to connect with my Dad, but nothing ever seems to come from. I now just resent everything and wish for any kind of normality. I guess that sometimes I just feel that everyone has gotten so wrapped up in their own problems that they forget to see those who may be suffering around them. Some may say this is hypocritical of me, but in fact i have been trying to lend an ear or helpful hand to those that I think need it. In the past week I have offered advice or just an ear to listen to whatever has been going on in their lives.

Here I just feel unappreciated. I do things here that are small and minuscule but I received no word of thank or even acknowledgement for any of it. Not that i do certain things to get praise, but maybe once in a while a little note of thanks could be offered.

It's not that I need to meet friends in order to be happy here. I think that I need for my house here to fell like a home. I need to feel that I am actually wanted here. Most of the time I feel like I am a burden on my family, something they just have to put up with. Sometimes I feel like I am a burden on more people, like those I love. Maybe not, I may never know for sure.

Sometimes I feel like I may never make it out alive.