It's the way that makes feel...

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

Pretty girl, pretty girl

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love


gah stupid boys...can't they see what is in front of them? Can't they see what has been in front of them....something they truely want, something they always needed. But that is never enough...never enough. It's what you do to me that makes me hate you...it's what you do that makes me want you...even after all these years.

*Sigh*

I just had a good cry..I feel somewhat better.

Gah!!!

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

I hate it...every time I that god damned car or guy I want to throw up. I was hurt so bad by that jerk!!! I hate what he did to me and his Girlfriend!!! By the way i had no idea he had one....that was a huge pain factor. So it's been a long time since i have actually seen him....even more time since that god awful incident. October actually. i ate what it does to me. he seemed so wonderful, I looked up to him...then he goes and does something horrible. Not only does it efect me..but a whole other person. Which I am sure she has no idea about. i'm sure all these feeling come back to me because it's getting closer to Valentine's Day. I never really had an interest in it...really I didn't. For some reason this year...at the mention of it I get depressed because I have been hurt some badly....so very badly. I hate feeling like I can never be who I was ever again. Never. I lost everything i had and now I have nothing but shame and scars to show for it. Not physical scars...emotional scars that are cut so deep...nothing will heal them. I wanted some things in my life to go so very differently. I gave my love to aomeone who couldn't take it....great...huge emotional cut. I had admiration for a huge man slut apparently...ok maybe not man slut but...still, his girlfriend is wonderful....now that I know who she is. I have keep a piece of mi have waitedy heart for another boy. Always I have had this piece for him....but...I have to wait longer than i already have to give it to him. This could possibly be forever. This piece will be saved forever, no guy will ever amount to him. Others see him and don't see the wonderful person i see. i could be wrong....like I always am....but he was always right about the guys i dated.

I feel like i am losing grip of everything. I have been on the verge of tears for weeks....I miss having control. But i ever really have any control. I feel like I am on the verge of letting go. I need something...I can't figure it out yet...but I need something. Maybe I'll start with a hug.

after new years

Well...since the day after Christmas I have spun fire...real fire. I went to Brandi and Kevin's waited for Thalisha and Richard...twas a great night. ah, and we also joined by Tom. Fire dancing is really great! it was so much fun especially the actual fire part of it all. I love fire...always have. Now I havea new found love of it! yay!

New Years was...well interesting. I went to the secret santa party to do that and to spin fire. As it turns out....spinning fire there was a bust but that's ok because Sabrina and i ended up spinning at another small party. Later Bryant came over and we watched the ball drop, drank some bubbly, and watched some TV until like 2:30. It was a nice night.

Since then I have been working almmost everyday. It's been kicking my ass. I am sick...well I am on the mend. But seriously...it sucks...gah!

until next time

All my love,
Melissa