You Don't Wear My Chains...

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...

Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,

This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,

She said

You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across

An open field,When flowers gaze at you...

they're not the only ones who cry

When they see you

You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,

She said

You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...

I think I'll start a new life,

I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,

I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...

I think I'll go to Boston,

I think that I'm just tired

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,

I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...

Boston... where no one knows my name...

-"Boston" by Augustana

Well, it's been a quiet few days....well excpet for the state of melancholy...there is something I want..I feel like I need...but for some reason...I feel like it's not within grasp. For a split second it was...it was pretty much in my lap...actually it was...quite litterally. I couldn't act on it..because apparently I do have morals...and I actually care for those around me...so I couldn't do the very thing i have wanted to do since 9th grade. Damn, am I that pathetic? Seriously I need to get out of this town and make something new of myself...but I know one person can hold me back if he wants to. He may not do it intentionally...but after I graduate..if he asks me to stay for some reason or another....I will be so torn. I need to change myself in a whole new way. Living here is not going to help because I will fall into the same pitfall. I love my friends here, but I need something more than I am getting.

In July I am moving to Sacramento. End of my life here. Sacramento will be my Boston....

There are few things left for me here...one thing I don't if I will ever have it....more like him.

However, I am looking forward to working with Brandi on my fire dancing. It's the one thing right now that gives me slight happiness....god sometimes I feel like what I am writing is emo...but I'm not honestly.

I have figured out this year that no matter who you give your heart to....you will always have a piece of it for yourself. after some relationships..that person will hand you back some of your heart..other will throw the rest of what came out of the emotional blender on your face. we all have to deal. Then there are times when you sit with your heart in your hands looking up into the grey sky ready for something more...and nothing but a plastic bag sweeps by you on the ground. my grey sky gets darker and rain is falling on my heart...but there is nothing I can cover it with. At least not today.

All My Love,
Melissa